Took advantage of the warm sunshine on Monday and spent the afternoon at my local beach. As a nearby family was packing up I heard the mom tell her two young sons that they could shower together in their suits when they got back to their room.
The youngest boy said, “Yeah. As long as we don’t show each other our penises.”
Kids say the darnedest things!
While my friend Jillian and I were strolling around Gulfport the other day we were surprised by a sweet dog that dashed up to us. When the owner came to collect his pet he said with a shrug, “Sorry about that, Jake is well-misbehaved.”
I answered with the first thing that came to mind, “So, am I.” It’s a pretty fitting description…
Walking behind these girls last night on the beach. The mom called out, “Hurry up, Carson, we’ve got to go!”
As Carson took off running she yelled to her mom, “But, can’t we have a little fun along the way?”
The scene stopped me in my tracks, because, of course, Carson is absolutely right. It seems to me that’s pretty much the entire point of living.
Oh sure, one must work and fulfill other daily obligations but beyond that? I truly believe we are meant to savor those sunsets, laugh with friends, dance barefoot in the sand, stop to smell the flowers, share sweet kisses, and enjoy life while we have it.
Thanks for the reminder, Carson!
Hanging out for brunch on a lazy Sunday morning a couple weeks back I caught this conversation:
“Hey, John! What’s up? Man, what’s with the glitter?”
John: “I don’t know. I woke up with glitter all over my bed and all over me.”
First Guy: “Wild. Any night that ends with your sheets covered in glitter was a good night, my friend!”
John, sighing: “Yeah, I just wish I remembered it.”
I recently caught a snippet of conversation while waiting in line at the store. And, yep, it is now my new favorite phrase:
“That is nuttier than squirrel sh*t!”
Crazy Squirrel, Rocky Mountain National Park, Colorado 2010
While waiting for a beer at the Back Porch in Port Aransas the other evening I caught this conversation between the group of men standing next to me:
Guy 1: “Hey man, how ya doing? I haven’t seen you since our fishing trip!”
Guy 2: “Yeah, that was such a great trip!”
Guy 3: “Wait, wasn’t that the trip where you forgot the tackle?”
Guy 1: “Yep. We got all the way out there and set up the poles before we realized that we left the tackle and the bait in the truck.”
Guy 2: “We had the coolers though, so it all worked out.”
Chuckling ensued…
Sunny Afternoon, South Padre Island, Texas April 2019
A fourth generation Texan in the Coastal Bend area watched his girlfriend drink another beer and said to me, ” Man, she’s gonna be selling Buicks in the morning!”
I understand that he meant she was gonna regret it but I’ve never heard that phrase before. Couldn’t find it on Google either. Perhaps it is hyper-local? Regardless, it made me laugh.
Anheuser-Busch Brewery Bottling Line, St. Louis, Missouri 2009
During the break between bands at the Stones Throw Brewery Fall Block Party in Bellingham, Washington I caught this joke:
“You wanna know why Washington outlawed square bales of hay? We wanted our cows to have a well-rounded diet!”
Feel free to groan. The two young ladies he was trying to impressed both did!
Unimpressed Cow and Calf, Villablino, Spain 2006
A gray-haired gent explained how his mom would tell him to mind his manners as a child. When told to do something, young Ross would ask, “What fer?” Exasperated, his mom would reply, “What fur? Why, cat fur! To make kitten britches!”
Clearly, there’s nothing else to say after an outburst like that! I hadn’t heard that phrase before so, of course, I Googled it. Apparently, it is a saying used in the South to remind children to use proper English and stop questioning their elders. Truly, it’s nonsensical and yet there’s something oddly compelling about the idea of kitten britches…
Wylie Ann Kitty, Tucson, Arizona 2017
Overheard from the group hiking behind me on the Hidden Lake Trail during my recent visit to Glacier National Park:
“Engineers think differently than regular folks. You know how optimists say the glass is half full and pessimists say the glass is half empty? Well, engineers, like me, say the glass is at 50% capacity.”
Hidden Lake Trail, Glacier National Park, Montana 2018
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